Somehow-Someway
by Broken-Beautiful-Love
Summary: Maybe one day it will all feel right. Maybe one day I will no longer feel broken. Maybe one day all of my pain can subside and I can actually heal. Maybe one day, somehow, someway.-Katniss/Peeta after rebellion. Rated M for later violence, drama, attempt suicide, and sexual scenes due to pregnancy.-
1. Chapter 1

**Somehow-Someway**

_Maybe one day it will all feel right. Maybe one day I will no longer feel broken. Maybe one day all of my pain can subside and I can actually heal. Maybe one day, somehow, someway.-Katniss/Peeta after rebellion. Rated M for violence, drama, attempt suicide, and sexual scenes due to pregnancy.-_

* * *

I wake up to the sound of pure emptiness. Just like everyday. A whole three years has passed since the second rebellion ended. There are no more hunger games, yet I still sit up here in my house in Victor's Village dreading every day of my life. I feel as if I am trapped up here inside this empty room- I feel like if I leave this room my nightmares will follow me down the stairs, out the door, in the pure sunshine or pouring rain. I can not run from my nightmares, even if I tried. Peeta tells me it is safe. No one can hurt me but he does not know that I can hurt myself. He tells me that I can live again, but how am I supposed to live when I feel like I am already dead to the world? Peeta tries to visit me. I can hear him downstairs often. He walks around, cleans up things, brings me food, tells me what to do, tries to make me speak to him but I have not in a year. He can hear the screams that escape my house every night when sleep wins the fight I battle every night. Nightmares of Prim dying over and over again. Nightmares of my father killing himself because I let Prim die. Nightmares of things that has never happened-but could have since I let so many people die. I hope Peeta gives up on me and tries to live again for himself. I am so selfish up here. Sitting here thinking about me but in reality- it is all I can do correctly.

People tell me I can cry. I can let all my emotions out, but the funny thing is that I can not cry any longer. Tears will not escape my grey eyes. My eyes are so dry from crying all these years and from many deaths that were my fault, I can no longer cry. I can no longer feel pain. I am emotionless. I feel nothing. No one can hurt me up here locked in a room because I can not feel anything. Shutting the world out- you either feel everything or nothing at all. And I feel the latter. My eyes are dry, my throat is hoarse, my mind is fuzzy, my stomach is numb, my legs are shaking and weak, my heart is broken. I am no longer the girl on fire. I am just a spark that has been blown out and forgotten.

Am I crazy for being up here everyday for years? Maybe. Am I broken or numb? Both. Maybe because of everything that has happened all I can feel is gone. My emotions are gone with all the beautiful people that have died. Maybe this is all just a horrible nightmare. Maybe I will wake up and it was all a dream. Maybe it is the day of the reaping and I am about to wake up to prepare for another normal day of hunting. Maybe life itself is a dream and once I die I will finally wake up.

I can not say that I do not love Peeta- but I do not know what I feel about him. I definitely feel guilty for letting him down and now living. He told me he loved me and I just sit up here, slowly dying over and over again. What if I stand up? I will surely fall because I am so weak. But what if Peeta was here to help me? What if I scream for him to come and save me from these nightmares? I will not scream because my voice is gone. I have not tried to speak but maybe I can.

"Help," I whisper to myself. My voice comes out softly, hoarsly, and broken but I can still speak. "Help," I say in a normal tone voice. "Help!" I scream finally, my voice louder than before. I swing my feet off the ledge of the window and brace myself for impact of the floor incase I fall but I do not. I stand. I stand proud and boldly. I stand and shout, "HELP!" once more. I take a few steps and the mirror on the wall is in view. I take a look at myself and my heart sinks more than ever. I look hideous. My hair is falling out, tangled and ragged. My body is covered in burn scars and bruises. My body is so small, so weak, so thin, that I can see my ribs through my shirt. I hear the door slam downstairs and a pair of heavy footsteps. I swallow and turn to the door as it opens.

"Peeta," his words come out of my mouth in a whisper at the sight of him. Still more beautiful than ever. He looks healthy, fit, clean, well fed. I am glad he has taken care of himself. His dirty blond hair that falls just above his eyebrows and his sparkling blue eyes filled with hope as I stand here. His eyes look at me up and down before he sighs. His light smile brings butterflies to my stomach and I actually feel something.

"Katniss, are you okay?" He asks as he stands in the doorway. I shake my head in response and he sighs. "What can I do for you?" He asks. I walk towards him and capture his lips in a kiss. I need to feel something. I need to figure out what my feelings are for this man and I need to find who I am again. His lips are soft, warm gentle, and I get the same feeling like I did on the beach in the Quarter Quell. Whatever is in this kiss makes me hungry for more. Peeta is definitely surprised but his lips quickly respond. Soon we are kissing like there is no tomorrow and I feel refreshed once he finally pulls away.

"I needed to feel something." I croak out, as he stares at me in confusion.

"Katniss, I don't understand. You've locked yourself in here for years and now suddenly you decide to come down and live again? What made you change your mind?"

"Me." I say simply because it is true. "You." I add because it is also because of him. "My dad." I finish. I know my father would want me to live. He would want me to be happy again.

"Why don't we get you something to eat. You must be starving." He says gently as he takes my hand, leading me downstairs. I sit in a chair at the dining room table and watch him cook. He bakes cheese buns and lamb stew, knowing it is my favorite. The whole time I study his movements and his face. He keeps a gentle smile plastered on his lips. I am truly greatful for this Mellark boy in front of me.

"Here you are," He says, sliding a bowl of my favorite stew and my favorite pastry in front of me. He sits across from me, watching me as I lift the spoon. I take a bite and it melts in my mouth. A small gasp escapes my lips and I finish the bowl in minutes. I then grab the cheese bun and shove it into my mouth. Effie would not approve of my manners and I roll my eyes when I think of the outburst she would have if she saw me right now. Peeta watches me intently but does not say anything or do anything. I look up at him once the food is all down my throat and I stand. He watches me still but still remains motionless and tongue tied. I grab a cup and fill it to the brim with cold water from the sink. I take a giant gulp of the water and I feel it fall down my throat. I drink the whole glass and I finally feel like I can speak.

"I don't know what to say to you," I say honestly because I don't.

"Say what you've been thinking about." He says, looking up at me from the table.

"I don't know what I feel about anyone or anything and I'm utterly confused about myself." I say, sliding back into the chair across from Peeta.

He sighs and thinks for a moment before his perfect lips open again as he speaks, "I still love you Katniss. I know you don't feel the same and I'm not trying to pressure you or anything but I just want you to live again."

"Thanks Peeta. I'm sorry I can't say I love you back, just give me time to think about it." I say and look down at the mahogany table.

"Of course. You can have all the time you need." He says, smiling softly.

Peeta stands and takes my hand in his because it feels natural for the two of us to always have physical contact. I do not mind it, I actually love the feel of his warm hand captivating my own. He pulls me from the chair and walks with me out of my dull house. Once we step outside I look around and see the green grass, the blue sky, the birds chirping, the flowers growing, everything is so beautiful. I take in the smell and it smells of flowers and nature. I look to Peeta and he is beaming. Not just in happieness but the sun is shining on his golden hair and sparkling blue eyes and I feel somewhere deep inside of me that I do truly love Peeta. I have to. He is all I have left, but he is also all I want.

"Peeta?" I ask after walking around for twenty minutes. He looks at me so I continue, "How are you?"

He sighs and looks to the floor before he answers, "I have flashbacks almost every night. Nightmares everytime I close my eyes and I've been incredibly lonely but Haymitch and Effie have been helping somewhat. Oh and extremely worried about you."

I nod in response, knowing not to ask further questions reguarding his flashbacks incase his has one or an attack. We walk a little while longer and then we turn around and head back to my house.

"C-can I ask you something?" Peeta asks.

"Yes." I say simply.

"Can you sleep over at my house tonight? I just want a normal night sleep again." He says nervously.

"I'd like that." I say and for the first time in years- I smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Someway-Somehow**

_A/N: Please review and tell me if I should continue or not. I hope this story is interesting. It is a little bit boring but the next few chapters will be much more exciting. Thanks. -Broken-Beautiful-Love-_

* * *

I know why Peeta asked me if I would sleep with him. Because when we sleep together, no nightmares come. I think his presence and my presence for him just soothes us in ways other people can not and never will understand. In the games you are alone. In the games you leave alone, but not Peeta and I. We always stay together. We have come so far and I think that if we stick together, we can finally live again. I love Peeta. And I do not know how long I have loved him, or how long it took for me to figure out. All I know is we are meant for each other because fate always brings us back together.

Peeta now has a car, how long he has had it- I don't know, but Peeta slides in the front seat and turns the key in and I slide in with him.

"We're going to see Haymitch and Effie. Also, I want to show you what you've missed." He tells me as he pulls from the driveway and down the street. As we drive I notice all houses look the same. They are all different colors but all of them are two story houses. Big houses. We drive past the Justice Building and on a big banner across the front says "Freedom". I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside of me when Peeta grabs my hand. He starts breathing a little heavier and my instict is to calm him down.

"Hey Peeta, it's okay. Calm down okay? I'm here," I say gently as he slows down the car, nodding. He stops it and puts his face in his hands, shutting his eyes tight. I rub his back and shoulders gently, knowing he is having a flashback. After ten minutes he looks up at me with an apologetic smile that reassures me he is fine.

"Sorry, it happens more in town.." He shrugs it off and I give him my best smile.

"Don't worry about it," I say and hug him.

We continue our drive and I also notice there are lots of small children running in the yards. Familes are laughing and smiling. Grandparents are sitting on the porch, holding hands. It amazes me how our crumbling District Twelve is now a happy, cheerful place. No more worries, sorrows, sadness. Just happy lives. Happy kids. Maybe me and Peeta could be happy again.

"Here we are!" Peeta says as he pulls into a smaller home on the outskirts of District Twelve, near the woods. We climb out together and walk up the steps. Peeta gently takes my hand and reassures me that I will be okay. I smile lightly to him as he mirrors my expression of happieness.

"Sweetheart!" Haymitch cheers loud and clear once me and Peeta step in the pink and mahogany decorated home. Haymitch hugs me and then Effie.

"You two getting married yet?" Haymitch asks with a wiggle to his eye brows jokingly.

"Not yet." Answers Peeta with a sad smile and a shrug. I try to ignore the sadness that has suddenly fills my heart.

"Please, sit down dearest!" Effie cheers, smiling bright as ever. Her wigs are gone now and her long beautiful golden hair dances around her as she moves. She no longer wears rediculous clothing, but still wears fancy dresses and heels. Oh Effie, you could never take away her heels.

We all talk for hours about everything. About how Panem is now, how Effie wants kids but Haymitch says he's had to deal with us and that is too much for his old heart to take. Of course, Effie smacks his chest and then he kisses her. Which to me seems very cute since I never imagined Haymitch married.

"Ahem." Peeta says loudly once they start to go a bit far.

"Hey now boy, you kids get way worse." Haymitch argues with raised eyebrows which makes me glare at him as Peeta rolls his eyes.

After another few hours at the Abernathy house we decide to come back home since it is well after dark. We give our goodbyes and climb back into the small car, driving home. I finally feel truly happy to know that I do have some family left. Maybe I can call my mother sometime to see how she is doing. Even though I forgave her I still feel a part in my heart where she is still not welcomed as my mother. Maybe someday I will get over that.

"Lets go to my house. I'll cook dinner then we can go to bed. I think today was exciting enough for you and you must be very tired." Peeta says kindly as we park outside his house. He again takes my hand and I am greatful for the warmth it gives me. We walk up the steps and into his house that looks just the same as mine. He has art all over his walls and he has a vase of flowers on the table. I can also tell that he has gone shopping because he has a new rug and some new pillows on his couch.

"What would you like to eat?" He asks me as he cleans the counter.

"You fed me my favorite for lunch I think you get to pick." I say as I slip into the chair.

"Oh no you're not. Come help me." He says with a sly grin.

"No. I do not cook." I say and glare at him.

"Please?" He asks with his big blue eyes that are blue as the sea in District Four.

"Fine." I grumble and walk into the kitchen and cross my arms over my chest. "What are we cooking?"

"Were baking." He says with a smirk and I just huff.

After a few hours of attempting to bake with Peeta, I feel tired. We eat the delicious pastries-thanks to Peeta, and walk up the stairs to his bedroom. He hands me one of his big t shirts and shorts so I can sleep comfortably. I go into the bathroom and change. Once I finish I come back and see that Peeta is laying in bed shirtless. Even though I've seen him like this many times before it catches me off guard and I can not help but blush. I climb under the sheets and turn off the lamp beside the bed. I pretend not to notice how Peeta snuggles up next to me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me gently against his chest.

"Good night Katniss," He whispers gently against my ear-sending chills down my spine and butterflies to my stomach.

"Good night Peeta," I whisper back, voice soft. "You love me. Real or not real?" I then ask, even though I know the answer.

"Real." He tells me and turns my face to look up at him. Our eyes meet. Grey to blue and then suddenly, his lips are on mine.

The next morning I awake tangled in Peeta's strong arms and I smile to myself- although I would not tell anyone how happy I feel to be here. I did not have one nightmare last night and I was thankful for Peeta's presence. He think I do not love him yet, although I know I do but I still don't know how to quite say it. I need to say it perfectly so he will feel just as special as I do when he tells me but I am not good with words. I want to tell him in a romantic way but even a stranger who does not even know me can tell you I am not the romantic type. Peeta however, has the best of surprises all the time and I can not wait for the day that I do something to make him happy.

I stir in his arms, trying to break free but it is no use. His grip around my tightens as he pulls me closer to him. I watch his perfect face as he sleeps. He looks so young, innocent as he sleeps as I am sure everyone does- but I love the way his eyebrows are half raised, his lips are parted just enough, and the way his whole face is relaxed. He looks simply beautiful. Guys are not supposed to look beautiful- but he does. And I notice.

After ten long, impatient minutes he finally awakes and catches me staring at him. He chuckles a husky, low voiced chuckle and it makes my insides twist around. I love the way it feels- it feels weird, but I love the feeling.

"Time to start the day," He says. I smile and roll out of bed. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be done shortly." He promises as he leaves the room, his loud steps echoing through this big empty house. My thoughts travel everywhere as I sit here and think. I think of the possibilites of me and Peeta marrying, having kids, and living a life that I know he would want and somewhere deep inside me I know I want too. My mind goes blank as he steps into the room wearing only a single towel around his perfectly shaped body. I notice the burn scars along his chest and I frown. I stand and walk over to him and trace the scar. He looks down at me when I do and our eyes meet. His bottom lip is quivering and I know he is deciding what to say. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his lips softly- short and sweet.

After we both have had breakfast I decide to go hunting. Peeta begged me to let him come but I know his steps will be too loud and I actually want to be alone for a few hours. I give him a quick, awkward hug goodbye and run off towards the woods. I hunt for a few hours, thinking about all the events in my life and thinking off all the other possibilites. I think of family, friends, loved ones, everyone. I mainly think of my father since he is the one who showed me this spectacular place filled with secrets and wonder. My mind wanders to every thought that I can think of until I decide I should get back. I notice I have been out here for a lot longer than a couple of hours. The long walk home is shorter than I remember and I can't seem to figure out why until I remember I live in Victors Village.

I walk inside of Peeta's house and suddenly a wave of guilt hits me.

Peeta is lying helplessly on the floor, bleeding.


	3. Chapter 3

**Somehow-Someway**

Somehow I manage to drag Peeta to the couch and on it. I try to stay calm though my heart is pouding and my chest is heaving. A tear escapes my eye and I plant my hand on his wrist-he is alive. I grab the phone from the nightstand by the couch and diall 9-1-1. Then, after I explain what I see I hang up and diall Haymitch. I honestly can barely keep myself together. I ignore the blood that is all over my hands as I feel around Peeta, examining what seems to be wrong.

He has a large gash on his arm. It is very deep. It looks like a wound from a knife- but why would Peeta cut himself? I also see him ankle is twisted. It must have twisted when he feel, although nothing seems to be broke. I kiss Peeta on the lips and lean my forehead against his, telling him how much I love him and how sorry I am for being so stupid all along. The guilt I feel is very painful deep inside my chest. I wrap his arm in a blanket I find on the couch to stop the bleeding.

The paramedics come quickly and put him on a stretcher. Haymitch arrives just as I am stepping inside the ambulance. I nod to Haymitch to follow us to the hospital. I climb in a sit next to the very still Peeta. I take his hand in mine and kiss it. The paramedics wrap up his arm in gauz and wrap up his ankle. I do not let any fear or sadness show. I stay completely emotionless. It hurts, but I know that this should all be over soon. The paramedics tell me he fractured his ribs as well and he will be in a ton of pain when he awakes, not to mention a huge head ache. They ask me for promission to give him medication. We arrive at the hospital and I follow the paramedics into the emergency room. They tell me I have to wait and I can barely do. Haymitch runs through the doors and wraps me in a hug. Though he smells of spice and mint, he has not been drinking.

"It's okay sweetheart. Just tell me what the hell hapened?" He asked as we sat down.

"I went hunting and came home to find him on the ground." I say, my voice cracking.

"Did you fight?" He asks eargerly.

"No." I say plainly.

I awake three hours later to Haymitch pushing my shoulders. I stand up and notice I am in a hospital room. I see Peeta on the hospital bed asleep. He looks pale, his arm is bandagd and his foot is in a splint. I look at Haymitch and he nods to the doctor who just came in.

"Katniss Everdeen?" He asks me, his glasses sitting at the edge of his nose. I nod so he continues, "Peeta Mellark has lost quite a lot of blood. We think he was sitting there bleeding for a long while before you found him. He twisted his ankle pretty bad but that should heal quickly as long as he elevates and ices it. Also, his ribs are a bit bruised so he will need to ice that as well. He has five stiches in his arm at the moment so pain medication will be given to him to take as necessary. Other than that, once he wakes up he should be ready to go home but he will need someone to look after him."

I nod, "I will look after him." I say plainly and the doctor leaves.

Peeta wakes up about fifteen minutes later.

"Ow," He says, rubbing his head. "Why am I in the hospital?"

"You got hurt, Peeta. You hurt yourself." I say, standing and walking over to his bedside. I take his hand in mine and sit next to him.

"Oh yeah, I was having an attack." He says, looking down.

"Why did you hurt yourself then?" I ask in pure confusion.

"The mutt told me to hurt you. I ran after you then came back, fighting myself. Once I got into the kitchen I grabbed a knife. I cut my arm then crashed into the table. Then I twisted my foot and fell. I blacked out after that." He says, in a whisper.

"It makes the flash backs leave," Haymitch concludes and Peeta nods sadly.

"Well, we can go home now." I say with a small smile.

"Before we go, can I ask you something?" Peeta asks and I nod.

"You love me. Real or not real?" He asks a few moments later. I reach down and kiss Peeta lightly on the lips and whisper,

"Real."

Two weeks after the incident, Peeta is feeling much better. His foot is healing and he can walk on it just fine. His stiches just came out so he is a lot more comfortable now. His headaches stopped a while ago. We walk a lot since the doctor said to walk for his foot until it hurt. We hold hands, kiss, and hug a lot as well. Not to mention I sleep with him every night. I think we might be together but I have not asked. I feel as if I say anything- he will leave or we will fight or a flash back will happen.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks as he steps into the living room. I look up at him and so he continues, "C-can we go on a date?"

My heart starts beating faster and my stomach fills with butterflies, "Of course." I say with a small smile. I have never been on a real date before so this is all very exciting.

Peeta takes my hand and leads me outside. We walk for a while until we reach the meadow. He lays out a blanket and a picnic basket. He picks a primrose flower and tucks it behind my ear. I can not help but to blush. This is so amazing. So romantic. So beautiful. I watch as Peeta pulls out sandwiches and fruits. We eat and talk and share stories about our childhood. We laugh together. I love it when we laugh together.

"So Katniss, who was your first kiss?" He then asks, still smiling.

"Well.. uh, you. In the cave." I admit because I know I can't lie. I never hung out with guys except Gale and I never went on dates. I found them pointless.

"Really? Wow." He says smiling. "My first kiss was with Delly. It was horribly slobbery and very awkward." He says and I laugh.

We talk for a long time until the sun sets and we watch it together. I lay back into him, my head leaning on his shoulder, my body resting against his.

"I'll be right back." Peeta says hurried. He stands and runs off and I can no longer see him. I sit and wait for a total of three long minutes until I see him again. He gets very near and kneels down on one knee. He grabs my hand and I become speachless.

"Katniss Everdeen," He starts nervously, "I have loved you from the moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful, amazing, funny, and charming girl I have ever met. We have gone through a lot together, and we are both very broken, but I know if we stay together our love can conquer anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I promise to always be there for you. Always." He pauses a moment as a tear slips down my cheek.

"Will you, Katniss, marry me?" He asks in his perfect voice with his perfect lips and everything right now in this moment feels perfect. I nod slowly since words can not find my lips. He slides a simple pearl ring with a gold band, onto my fourth finger. He then stands and takes my face in his hands.

"You are my forever love." He says as our lips meet.


	4. Chapter 4: The Wedding

**Somehow-Someway**

I do love Peeta. And he knows it. Getting married with Peeta just seems right in my heart. I know I've said it a hundred times that I never want to marry but now I feel like Peeta is all I have and I am all he has and we should just be together because fate has obvisouly brought us here. I can not shake the feeling of being married. What will it be like? Surely it can not be too different than our lives today. It has to be somewhat the same, right? I mean, waking up to Peeta every morning, I can do that. But what else would I do? I can hunt, but I can not cook. I can clean, but I am not good at making surprises for Peeta, even if I got an idea. I am not the romantic type. I have the romance level of a dead slug if you ask anyone. My mind wanders everywhere this morning. Last night me and Peeta decided to marry. The thought still frightens me but I know it is right.

Peeta's lips fine mine once his eyes open. He climbs out of bed, trudging to the bathroom. He only mumbles a 'good morning' before he does. He must have had a flashback because he usually is not like that. I sigh and sweep my feet over the bed and onto the cold, hard floor. I walk downstairs and make tea and oatmeal. I sit at the table, lifeless. My mind is still curious as to what being married will be like. Minutes later, Peeta comes down the stairs fully dressed.

"Good morning, love." He says as he plants his lips to the top of my head before walking into the kitchen.

"What will being married be like?" I ask, thinking aloud.

He chuckles, "I don't know. I've never been married, Katniss." He says, looking over at me.

"I'm serious! What will change?" I ask, curiously.

"Well, we will live together. Sleep together. Eat together. Be together. I don't know." He shrugs and my mind instantly goes to kids. I know Peeta wants kids but I don't know if I could do that.

* * *

"Oh Katniss, you look beautiful!" Effie smiles brightly, fixing the back of my wedding dress. It's long, white and covered in lace. The veil falls over my eyes and cascades around me the like flowy dress. My hair is in long, elegant curls that fall around me. My lips are red, my eyes look like silver, and my face is done naturally with just a little bit of blush.

"Thank you, Effie. Thank you for helping me put this all together." I smile kindly to her. I know she annoys me with her manners, but I can not help but to be thankful for everything she has done for me. In a way, she is like my strange Aunt. She grabs my hand and walks with me to the closed doors.

"Deep breaths, you'll do great darling." She kisses my cheek and opens the doors, walking down the aisle. Haymitch comes around the corner in a suit and tie. He links arms with me and kisses my head.

"Good luck, sweetheart." He says, teary eyed.

"I-I can't-" I choke out before Haymitch stops me.

"Katniss, it's alright. You and this boy belong together. Come on now." He smiles softly to me, reassuringly. I take a deep breath as the doors open and my eyes lock with Peeta's.

My fathers lullabye plays softly in the back ground as I walk slowly down the isle with Haymitch. Peeta wipes his eye, smiling brightly at me. He looks adorable in his suit and tie. His hair is scruffly, most likely because of Effie trying to fix it. I smile to him, nervously. Haymitch stops at the front, tosses my veil behind me, kisses my cheek and walks to the side, behind Peeta. I keep my eyes on Peeta, afraid that I will crumble if I do not. He takes my hands and squeezes them just like he did when we were on that stage many years ago. He whispers, 'You look beautiful'.

The pastor goes on and on, but I mostly drown out what he says. My mind, heart, soul is all fixed on Peeta. This beautiful day. This happy day. This moment.

"Peeta Mellark, do you take Katniss Everdeen as your lawful wedded wife, until death do you part?" He then asks. Peeta looks at me and smiles even bigger before answering.

"I do."

"And do you, Katniss Everdeen take Peeta Mellark as your lawful wedded husband, until death do you part?" I smile and nod slowly, since words are having trouble finding my lips.

"I-I do." I breathe, smiling.

"By the power invested in me and the witness of these people I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark. You may now kiss your bride."

The whole crowd drowns out and it feels as if it is just me and Peeta. He leans in and presses his lips to mine. I get that stirring feeling inside of me. Peeta's lips are soft, warm, safe, comforting, and I know that in this moment we are one.

"Congratulations kids." Haymitch says while wiping off tears. Peeta wraps his arm securely around my waist, clinging me to him. I smile and give thanks to everyone at the reception. Then Gale walks up with Johanna Mason on his arm.

"Hey, Catnip." He smiles, looking down to Johanna for a few moments.

"Thanks for coming guys." I smile and hug Johanna, and then Gale hugs me. In a short, friendly way.

"Congrats, Mellark. Glad to see you guys happy." Gale says to Peeta and he smiles.

"Are you two a couple?" Peeta then asks, looking at Johanna. She shrugs and Gale laughs.

"I guess you can call us that." Johanna replies, nudging Gale.

After a long night of dancing, drinking, and spending time with everyone, I fall tiredly onto the bed, still in my wedding dress. Peeta slides into bed beside me, laughing.

"That was a fun night." He says, grabbing me and pulling me into him. I take in the scent of his shirt, as he runs his fingers through my hair.

"Yeah, it was." I say, smiling up at him.

"I have never seen your smile so much in one day." He smiles and leans down to kiss me.

The kiss lasts for awhile. His lips travel down my neck, sending my head back to give him more access to it. His hands roam around my body and a slight moan escapes my lips. His lips find mine again as he starts to unzip my dress. My dress falls off the bed somehow I manage to take off his clothes.

He keeps peppering my face with gently, warm kisses. He gently roams his hands around my body, keeping miune flush against his. He then hovers over me, asking me for entrance.

"Katniss, are you sure?" He asks, his voice shakey. I nod slowly, smiling. I want this. I want Peeta. I need him.

I get this stinging feeling deep in me. I let out a soft scream of pain, as Peeta's hips move with mine. We move together as one, and eventually it doesn't hurt anymore.

The next morning I awake under the sheets, tangled in Peeta's arms.

"I love you, Peeta." I whisper gently against his ear.


	5. Chapter 5: New Beginnings

**Someway-Somehow**

Peeta and I have been growing together more than ever. We're closer now than we have ever been. Maybe it's the affect of love, marriage that whole fluffy duffy shit that I have never experienced before. But I love it. Peeta understands me and I understand him. We're perfect for each other. Just everything. I'll fight with him and yell and he'll hold me and let me cry and be angry at him. And I let him lash out on me then comfort him. Everything we do is together and I love the feeling of me and Peeta being one. That is what marriage is and I now know it. We're one. Marriage brought us together. I am no longer alone, or just partners with Peeta. We're now one. One soul. Always one.

Peeta tries to get through my head that the games are over, that the Capitol is not ruling us anymore, but that is all I have understood. The Capitol, controlling me. I can not think twice about kids. The fear in my heart about them dying, or suffering like I have- Like Prim did. It kills me and that fear consumes my thoughts about Peeta and kids.

Two years later and I have not spoken to my best friend in years, and I hate myself for it. I can not get myself to pick up the phone to call him. My legs will not carry me to see him. I can't. After all these years, what would he say to me? What would he do? He probably hates me, thinking I hate him- but the weird thing is- I don't. I love Gale and not like I love Peeta but in a different way that I can't even understand. I just love him, and him not here makes my heart break even more.

I walked around District 12, smiling at all the little toddlers running about on their short stubby legs, rolling in the grass, splashing in puddles, smiling, laughing, care free. Innocent. The list can continue. My heart stops when I see Madge Undersee sitting in the lawn, pulling back a little girl with blonde hair, bright gray eyes. The baby itself looks so familiar. Madge looks up and smiles softly when she sees me. She stands to her feet, setting the little kid back down. She runs towards me and hugs me. I hug her back, smiling like a fool.

"Madge?!" I ask, barely believing my old friend- whom I thought was dead is hugging me right now.

"Katniss! Oh my goodness, I never thought I'd see you again!" She hugs me tightly.

"What? Wait, what do you mean? I live here and if you do too-" She cuts me off, pulling away.

"No, I mean- well I don't live here. But that's my daughter, isn't she the most beautiful little girl ever?" She smiles brightly, her eyes dreamy. A tinge of jealousy hits me. Madge Undersee has a daughter and I am still here feeling sorry for myself.

"She's gorgeous. Who is her father?" I ask, smiling down at the little girl. Madge struggles with words a minute before she looks up at me seriously.

"Gale." She says simply, not meeting my wide-eyed gaze.

"G-Gale? You and Gale.. And her? And where? W-what?" I stumble, eyes wide. Jaw dropped. This all makes sense now. My two best friends married. With a daughter. Gale moved on. He loved. He loves Madge. They don't live here. But Gale was able to have kids, and he hates the Capitol more than I ever have. He moved on. He let go the Capitol and had a daughter. With Madge Undersee, the Mayors daughter. "Where is he?" I ask, looking at her.

"District 2, I came here just to visit home but he has very important work there. He's a head peacekeeper. In charge of everything physical." She says, smiling as she talks of him. She really loves him, and I'm not mad- I'm happy for them.

I smile and hug Madge again, this time even harder than before. She looks at me confused, then smiles back, understanding my quiet gesture of happiness for her and Gale.

"I'm so happy for you two." I say, quietly wishing me and Peeta had kids- but then I realize it is my fault. I back away slightly as Madge's lips continue to move, her looking down at the little girl.

I need to see Peeta. I need to tell him that this is what I want. I want kids. I want him. I want a family- like Gale. I want to live peacefully with the thought of family. Love. What I grew up with. What I've wanted all along. Madge stares at me confused and I say goodbye quickly before running on my feet, straight to the bakery. Peeta is working today, but this is more important. Kids is way more important to Peeta than work. Just when I'm about to walk in, I freeze. How can I tell him? What will he say? Nerves start to kick in but I fight them back. This is what I want and my own selfish self will not get away with anything without my heart speaking first.

I step into the beautiful smelling bakery and smile. I see a blond head, with his back to me, kneading his strong arms into the dough. He pounds it a bit, his face a bit red. I run around the counter, and to him. He looks over at me, confusion before a smile spreads across his beautiful face.

"Katniss? What are you doing here?" He asks, wiping his floured hands off on his apron.

"I want kids, Peeta." I say before I can stop myself.

Peeta's face is crossed with so many emotions. Confusion. Happiness. Anger. Joy. Peace. Wonder. And a giddy stupid smile that never leaves his lips. He doesn't protest, doesn't argue because he knows that me saying it once is enough for the both of us. He kisses me with such fire, something I haven't felt in awhile and I kiss back, full forced. This is what I want. Peeta is what I need. I want kids, and it took me long enough to realize it.

Peeta carries me to the back of the bakery, the spare room next to his office. His lips never leaving mine. In this moment I am so happy I do not feel scared anymore. Fear is gone. My stubborn soul is finally allowing me to accept the fact that I want kids. It is what my heart has longed for this whole time. To be filled. To be whole. And that is the peace that surrounds me thoughts, my hopes- me. It surrounds me just like Peeta's lips.

I fall on top of Peeta's chest, my heavy breathing matching his. He smiles down at me, peppering my head with his sweet kisses. I soak in this feelings. Peeta's arms wrap around my naked frame pulling my against his warm one. The sheets soak up the feel of our love, and I know in this moment we are truly one. No more pills to block our chances. No more silly pieces of plastic to block us from what we really want- need. Children. A baby. A child that I will soon hold in my arms, and that is the peace that comforts me in this moment. That peace and Peeta.

Peeta then whispers when I am about to fall asleep, the question that brought us here.

"Katniss. You love me. Real or not real?"

"Real." I answer without thinking. My heart answering, because it is true. I love Peeta. Real.


	6. Chapter 6: Trying

I stand in the doorway of the bathroom, afraid to move. The little white stick haunts me everyday. Even though Peeta reminds me that we will be fine and that I chose this, I still get nightmares haunting me every time I turn around. It is not the pregnancy I am so worried about. It is the growing up part. The teaching kids from right to wrong. My past, my story that I know someday they will ask about. We still have people coming up to me and Peeta asking for pictures and thanking us for ending it. I always give my credits to Finnick, but Peeta always says that it is because of me.

The stick reads negative again, and my heart sinks for having to tell Peeta but I feel much better knowing I do not have a baby growing inside me. Yet, anyways. I clean up the small mess in the bathroom and slip into my hunting boots, and walk out of the house to hopefully clear my head a bit. Peeta has a long work schedule lately because of the business. So many tourist come into District 12, just to see how the 'girl on fire' grew up. Well, our district is nothing like it used to be.

After a long day of hunting, I finally come home. I walk through the door and find Peeta in the kitchen, singing along to the mini radio and cooking. I peek my head in, finding his back to me, but seeing everything. He has his shirt off and he is using the spatula as a mic. He spins around and catches contact with my eyes and his cheeks burn bright red. I burst out laughing and he hides his face in his hands.

"Peeta," I start once I am able to stop laughing, "That was so funny." I say, coming over and tucking my arms around his bare torso, removing his hands from his flushed cheeks.

"It was not. I was embarrassing." He frowns.

"It was really cute," I smile.

I tug on his shirt and then I make my way to the table where me and Peeta have a nice dinner. We talk about his work, his brothers, then we talk about Haymitch and Effie and then I tell him about Madge and Gale. We both thought Johanna and Gale were together, but I guess Johanna broke it off since she wants to die alone. Then we get to the subject of kids, and he asks me how it is going. I feel tongue tied when I see that stupid, giddy smile on his face when he talks about kids. Maybe I am not pregnant because I do not want to be. Is it all just.. in your head anyways?

"Peeta, I'm sorry but it said negative."

His whole face seems to sink and he drops his gaze at the horrible news. He stares at his plate for awhile, just thinking. He eventually looks back up at me and nods.

"It's okay, Katniss. But, we-we've been trying for a few months. Maybe we should go to the doctors.." He then says and my eyes pop open.

"No!" I shout and then sigh, "No, I don't want to go to the doctors! I hate it there."

"I know you do Katniss, but we have to know if something is wrong.."

"Nothing is wrong," I snap back. I know there couldn't be anything wrong, but Peeta is right and this angers me. I sigh and get up, kiss his cheek before I walk up to bed, shut off the lights and curl up back in bed. I know I do not deserve him, but he chose me. The more I think, the more frustrated I get and soon I am asleep.

When I wake up, Peeta is already gone. I know I upset him, so I'll make it up to him.


End file.
